Greetings to those of weak will and fragile minds who need advice on love and relationships from Carlotta, Queen of the Amazons. Once again, Carlotta will guide you in affairs of the hears, so that your heart has not been torn asunder by the rabid dogs on the battlefield of love. Today’s letter comes from [...]
Carlotta here to shatter your myths and preconceptions about love and relationships. Many of you ask Carlotta, “Carlotta, how would you know so much about love? What makes you an expert? Have you ever been in love?” This is the time when I, Carlotta, must confess to you that, yes, Carlotta has been in love. [...]
Carlotta would like to speak with you about television. These television shows are pandering to the worst instincts of strong, young women everywhere. Today, we talk of princesses and princess shows and princess toys. Carlotta has known many princesses in her many centuries on Gaeia (or “Earth” for those of you less enlightened and ignorant). [...]
Dear Carlotta,
I wrote a note to Tim asking if he would go out with me. He said yes, but now what? What do I do? What do seventh graders do when they go out?
Sincerely, Bristol
Now that this “Timmy” has agreed to “go out” with you, he is under your divine influence and you should wield [...]
Dear Carlotta,
There’s a girl I really like in my grade, but I’m not sure how to approach her. I’m a seventh grader, so it’s not like we could go on a real date or anything. What’s the best way to convince her to be my girlfriend?
Sincerely,
John, Surrey, British Columbia
Dear John…
You’d be much better off giving [...]
Thus begins our new, weekly feature at Acclimated Spooks: Relationship Advice with Carlotta, Queen of the Amazons, where YOU, the reader, can seek advice from our resident relationship expert, Carlotta. We begin our series with a letter from Sandy, a sixth grader from Tahlequah, Oklahoma. She writes:
Dear Carlotta,
My name is Sandy. I am in sixth [...]
