Prestidigitory Arts, 104
with Aristotle Stuttermore, Prestidigitator Extraordinaire
Those with INQUISITIVE MINDS forever seek to sup at the TABLE of KNOWLEDGE! Thus, I welcome thy hearty soul, dear reader, for I am ARISTOTLE STUTTERMORE and I am here to help you ACQUIRE KNOWLEDGE…Knowledge of the UNKNOWN…through my 52 week course, entitled ARISTOTLE STUTTERMORE’S 52 WEEK COURSE for an HONORARY DOCTORATE IN PRESTIDIGITORY ARTS & SCIENCES, offered to you by the KIND and BENEVOLENT institution of PIGSPIT UNIVERSITY. Last week, I instructed you in the techniques of EYE ROLLING, which leads into this week’s lesson:
LESSON #4: MOANING!
Once you have turned your MANTRA (Lesson #2) into nothing more than the sound of gibberish, and you have begun to ROLL your eyes into the back of your head, the NEXT STEP in your journey into the unknown is to master the under-appreciated art of MOANING!
By moaning, one will put one’s vocal cords at the perfect timbre, using the vibrations of your voice to open the portal into the OTHER REALM. Thus, shortly after you’ve begun rolling your eyes, it would behoove you to begin moaning. Start with a low, guttural moan, vibrating the center of your chest in an attempt to rattle loose your spectral self. Then, let the moan grow louder, until it fills the room with an otherworldly sound that will beckon the strange and mysterious creatures form other realms into your vision. Continue to moan until it just feels right.
YOUR ASSIGNMENT: Using Garageband for the Mac or a free program like Audacity for the PC, record your moan. Bonus points for the ghostly nature of your howls. Send it to aristotle.stuttermore@gmail.com
