Acclimated Spooks, Light & Power

Boyd & Company

Boyd McCloyd

There is not much to be said for the current CEO of Acclimated Spooks, Light & Power, as he is new to the job and has only reluctantly accepted the position.  “Look, if I didn’t have to be here, I probably wouldn’t,” he said in this interview.  “Stupid birthdays!”

What is known about this wily and intrepid, fearless thirteen year old is that he is…well…thirteen years old.  Other than that and his adventures in Hong Kong with an ancient Chinese emperor/dragon, the Perpetual Motion Machine, an army of Dead People/Terra Cotta Warriors/Werewolves, and his current group of friends (consisting of a yeti, a polar bear, a talking crocodile, a taxi driver who has been dead for thirty-five years, a bird, a goldfish, and a petulant grandfather clock, amongst others), there’s really not that much interesting to say about Boyd McCloyd.

Born in Frankfurter, Ontario (home of the world’s largest hay bale), Boyd only recently became the CEO of Acclimated Spooks, inheriting the job after the passing of our benevolent benefactor, Confucius Ping.  Boyd has used this most recent of times to become familiar with the inner workings of an organization as large and complex as this.

“What do I like?” Boyd asked.  “I don’t know…comic books?  Adventure movies about giant robots destroying tall buildings.  Is that good enough?  Now, leave me alone.  I have homework!”

Reggie the Yeti

Being a yeti does not diminish Reggie’s cultural, emotional, or social intelligence by anyone’s standards.  “Most of my yeti brethren, and, dare I say, those pesky ‘bigfoots’ from North America, do very little to portray themselves as anything other than brutal, mindless, flesh-eating beasts full of anger and violence,” he says.  “The majority of the time, that couldn’t be further from the truth.  Though I will admit that there are a few yetis out there that could rip you to shreds with their razor-sharp claws and fangs that can rip through steel…but be that as it may…I think I’ve gotten off topic.  What was the question?”

Reggie has worked with Mr. Ping for many years, helping to found Acclimated Spooks, Light & power, and also starting his very own company, the Himalayan Outback Detective Agency, with his longtime partner, Smelts.

“Mr. Ping will most definitely be missed,” he says.  “But I’m sure that Boyd will fill the void wonderfully…I hope…he is only thirteen…there’s plenty of time…isn’t there?”

Smelts

“Yep, I’m the only talking crocodile you’ll ever see,” says Smelts.  “I’m just gonna rattle off a few things that’ll help you get to know me.  I’m a Leo.  I eat whole chickens, preferably de-feathered, as the feathers cause a bit of phlegm.  I’m from Oz, which is Australia, for you Yanks.  I love playin’ ultimate Frisbee, and, contrary to what you might think, I do not like hangin’ out in the swamp with my brothers and sisters, because they’re pretty backward and are terrible conversationalists.  Is that enough?”

Cindy McCloyd

Cindy McCloyd is Boyd McCloyd’s sister.  “Yes, he’s annoying,” she says.  “Yes, my life would be better off if he was in an orphanage somewhere, but then, that’s just not going to happen, is it?”

Socially, Cindy and Boyd rarely acknowledge each other’s existence.  “The farther he stayed away from me in school, the better,” she says, but since their time together in Mr. Ping’s mansion in Hong Kong, they’ve grown somewhat closer.  “I guess he’s not so bad,” she says.  “Though I still like to give him a good punch in the gut every once in a while to ensure that he knows I could still take him out if I had to.”

Ho Yin

The official caretaker of Mr. Ping’s financial affairs and his right-hand man, Ho Yin has been a loyal and devoted servant to Mr. Ping for many years.  “My job is to be the bee that takes the nectar from Mr. Ping’s lotus flower of a mind and pollinate the various flowers that exist within his sphere,” he says.  When asked to clarify that metaphor, he says, “Basically, I’m here to keep things running smoothly.”

Will there be new challenges working with Boyd?  “Of course,” he says.  “But those challenges are nothing that cannot be faced and conquered with patience, dilligence, and the wide availability of cheeseburgers, as Boyd has told me that cheeseburgers help him think.  I’m not sure I believe him, but I’ll grant him this indulgence until he is a bit older.”